The Problem With Disappointment

While flicking through one of my quiet time journals I found this prayer: "Don't let disappointment keep me from You". I do not know what caused me to write it but I began to reflect on the effect of disappointment. How can disappointment create a barrier between us and God and can we avoid it?

Expectation vs Reality

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life - Proverbs 13:12 ESV

Psychologists describe disappointment as the gap between our expectations and our reality. So if you go to your usual café at the usual time to get your favourite hot drink and find the café closed you may feel disappointed. You may be able to brush this off without it affecting your day, your mood, or your expectations for the next time you go. More unexpected or impactful disappointments can be harder to get past.

We can feel disappointed by other people, ourselves, God, systems or events. We can experience disappointment in these three ways:

Delay

It is taking longer than we expected to reach a goal. These could be goals we set for ourselves or goals we set for others. They could be goals we have influence over or goals we do not.

Denial

The outcome we expected will not materialise at all. We expected a yes but got a no. This includes when something comes to an end when we expected it to be part of our future.

Difference

The outcome or experience is not as positive or fulfilling as we expected.

Disappointment is an emotion that rarely travels alone, and once present, it can be hard to kick out. We experience sadness and a sense of loss when what we hoped for or expected does not materialise. This disappointment can come along with discouragement, fear, rejection and hopelessness. To experience disappointment is not sinful, but just as the Bible tells us to be angry and not sin (Ephesians 4:26), we should also be mindful not to sin when we experience disappointment.

We all have expectations, so at some point or another, we will all experience the challenge of unmet expectations. So why does disappointment matter? And what is the problem with disappointment?

The Problem with Disappointment

Disappointment can cloud our vision. If it takes root, it is like wearing grey-tinted glasses that cause the wearer to see everything with a tinge of pessimism - which is really fear to hope again. It can dampen and redirect hope. Since faith is the substance of things hoped for (Hebrews 11:1), anything that diminishes hope diminishes faith. It is vital that we do not allow this to happen because without faith it is impossible to please God.

Disappointment can blind people to the blessings they have and the blessings coming their way. Unable to see God's hand of blessing in their lives, they are unable to experience it, and so they miss out. This can increase and entrench a sense of disappointment until it infects their outlook on life, not just the area they were initially disappointed in. This is what it means to have a heart sick with disappointment. Consider that Proverbs admonishes us:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths. - Proverbs 3:5-6

Ingrained disappointment can make the heart malfunction and not trust God. A person with a heart sick with disappointment struggles to thrive due to a reduced capacity to trust God with their hopes and dreams and to receive new dreams from God. On the other hand, when dreams are fulfilled it has a rejuvenating, revitalising impact akin to that of eating from the Tree of Life in the Garden of Eden.

So how do we handle delay, denial and differences in our expectations and our reality in a way that leads us to God and not away from Him?

Here's more for some reflections on this:

Dealing with Delayed Dreams

Nothing Wasted - YouTube

Blessings!

Boma